James Corden:  Fletch
Matthew Horne:  Jimmy
MyAnna Burning:  Lotte
Paul McGann:  The Vicar
Louise Dylan:  Anke
Vera Filatova:  Eva
Ashley Mulheron: Trudi
Tiffany Mulheron:  Heidi
Silvia Colloca: 
     Vampire Queen Carmilla

Release Date: December 29, 2009
Studio: Dimension Extreme /
Alliance Films
Genre:  Horror / Thriller
Rated: R      1 hr 32 mins

CAST:

Vampire Killers (aka Lesbian Vampire Killers)

November 4, 2010

Reviewer: Rottenbucher

DIRECTOR:

Phil Claydon

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Dumped to DVD with an edited title and packaging artwork that looks painfully like Zombieland, Vampire Killers appears to be a cinematic stinker doomed for the $5 bin at a big box.  Except Vampire Killers is actually Lesbian Vampire Killers.  Why the film’s title was neutered for a US DVD release is rather unclear other than a few retailers supposedly took objection. Fortunately this isn’t a Misty Mundae macabre skin flick or a poor David Zucker clone but rather a British vampire-comedy that has some teeth and tail.

Friends Fletch and Jimmy (James Corden and Matthew Horne, both of the BBC’s Gavin & Stacey as well as their own sketch comedy show Horne & Corden) decide to take a hiking trip to escape their employment and girlfriend troubles.  A drunken decision to toss a dart at the map sends the pair to Cragwitch where they find a bevy of babes pouring out of a dreary pub.  Hoping to find more hot chicks, the pair stumbles into the bar only to find depressed and disheveled men who offer them free beer.  The barkeep informs the duo that young women spend the night at a cottage in the woods just outside of town and they should hurry to catch up with the girls.  Off they go to find sexy college girls looking to party while researching the legendary vampire queen, Carmilla. Jimmy starts to fall for the nerdy Lotte (MyAnna Buring, The Descent) while Fletch is entranced by cleavage. Good times are not meant to last as the sun sets things get silly.  And it’s not from the booze or boobs.  Rather the group is besieged by bloodsucking babes bent on bringing back to life their naughty, neck-nibbling queen. Lotte proves to be the sluttiest looking virgin on Earth and a necessary component for the resurrection of Carmilla.  Only Fletch, Jimmy and a vulgar vicar stand in the way of these girl on girl ghouls.

Loosely based on the gothic novel Carmilla, Vampire Killers does not take itself seriously at all.  Fletch and Jimmy are as dull and goofy (Corden and Horne’s chemistry as two harmless idiots is impressive) and the girls appear to be cast for their assets.  Something which very few of them show in full but their attire is skimpy enough to keep eyes focused.  The lesbian overtones from the book are exploited to the maximum while the comedy ranges from tongue-in-cheek to full-on zany.  There is an ancient sword that’s handle is shaped like a penis and named Dildo. Then there is melting boobs that reveal silicone sacks.  And rather than gobs of blood, there is an icky, milky fluid being tossed liberally towards the camera when a vampire is impaled. 

Vampire Killers is humorous, but not gut-busting funny. The nod to classic Hammer horror is a nice touch but there are times when the film tries a bit too hard.  The film is also very light on lesbianism, leaving only a handful of scenes where the girls lock lips or lick each other from head to toe. But who doesn’t love seeing a skimpy dressed vampire-babe get penetrated by a long sword? 

Maybe it was a good thing Lesbian was dropped from the title as Vampire Killers is flirtatious rather than filthy.  But the film does have excellent production values, a good looking cast, enough laughs and decent acting to warrant attention from fans of films like Zombieland.  Actually, more people would have paid attention if Dimension kept the UK title and artwork. Vampire Killers is too good of a film to languish in obscurity, so don’t judge this one by its awful DVD cover.  Those that are sick of horror remakes and looking for some brain-numbing fun will find Vampire Killers arousing.