Release Date: January 16th, 2009
Studio: Lionsgate
Genre: Horror/Suspense
Rated: R      1 hr 41 mins

CAST:

Jensen Ackles:  Tom Harringer
Jaime King:  Sarah Palmer
Kerr Smith:  Axel Palmer
Betsy Rue:  Irene
Edi – Gathegi:  Deputy Martin
Tom Atkins:  Burke

Most horror fans these days have to choose between a sequel or a remake to get their fix of the macabre.  So to no surprise My Bloody Valentine 3D is a remake of the early 80s Canadian slasher.  While the original My Bloody Valentine has somehow obtained a cult status due to being heavily edited by the MPAA and being barely unique at the time, the sequel seems to be more of a cash-in with the success of stuff like the Saw series as well as the Halloween retooling and upcoming Friday the 13^th event.

Taking some cues form the original film, My Bloody Valentine 3D doesn’t really reinvent itself.  An accident in a town mine leads to a magnificent slaughter of those responsible.  The killer is killed and the down goes into denial for several years.  Each Valentine’s Day, the town tries to forget the massacre and downtrodden, working class folk seem to like it that way.  But on the 10 year anniversary, the killer is back with his pick axe and going after everyone related to the mine.

Right from the start, My Bloody Valentine 3D lets the bloody fly and fling at the camera.  The 3D gimmick is being put to use and it allows for the CGI eye-gouging and pick-ax punctures to really pop.  But when the gore slows down, the film gets rather pedestrian.  The cast of high schoolers turned adults aren’t that fun to follow as each of them seem to be wallowing in some sort of post-High School / Valentine’s Day Massacre stupor.  Tom Hanniger (Jensen Ackles), the son of the mine owner is back to sell is part of the shares, but then seems more interested in trying to rekindle the lost love with Sarah Palmer (Jaime King, Sin City).  But his former fling went on to marry the town’s sheriff and after some territorial crap, the film is reduced to standard High School drama and misplaced aggression.

What does deliver is the gore.  And the 3D seems to actually be the sole purpose for this cinematic event.  Without gobs of gore being flung at the screen, the impact of the violence is lost and, by now, commonplace.  Pick axes to the skull, jaw and torso are top-shelf gore.  But the acting is just a few notches above Direct-to-DVD fare.  The problem is the conflicts outside of the killer do not carry any weight, nor do they make the characters likeable.  Instead of wanting to know if extramarital affairs can be resolved and the murders solved, the audience is hoping one of these dopey Midwesterners is going to get gored, and gored good. 

There are a few embarrassing and painful moments.  Actress Besty Rue spends 90% of her screen time in her birthday suit, running around jiggling and screaming.  Kerr Smith plays the self-loathing Sheriff Axel Palmer without any dynamic and horror veteran Tom Atkins sleepwalks through his performance.  Jaime King tries and at a few rare moments, does give a good performance.  But at the end, the acting gets in the way of the carnage.  The film does try to surprise with some red herrings and plot twists, but once a few people are filleted, things get obvious.

Unfortunately, the 3D seems to be the films crutch.  Without it, the film doesn’t deliver the goods to reach outside the genre or really blow the hair back on horrorphiles.  But with the extra dimension of gore, My Bloody Valentine 3D is a guilty pleasure for those looking for 90 minutes of carnage.  If you cannot get enough gratuitous nudity, endless gore and a killer that is basically Michael Meyers in mining gear and can still endure flat acting and a subplot that fails to deliver, then My Bloody Valentine 3D is sweet.  Everyone else will probably leave the Cineplex heartbroken.

My Bloody Valentine 3D

January 17, 2009

Reviewer: Rottenbucher

DIRECTOR:

Patrick Lusser

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