Porngrind is a strange little subset of the Death Metal genre, and certainly one you should always approach with a limited set of expectations as even the defining masterworks of the genre are generally not really very good, and the worst of the genre often has the power to make you embarrassed to have wasted your time listening to it.  A sensation that I’d assume quite likely parallels that experienced after participating in the various depravities depicted on the very record you most likely just tormented your poor brain with.  German smutsters DEAD have been in this game a looong time, and while they’ve certainly had some moments approaching some semblance of a sort of excellence, their new album Hardnaked… but DEAD is a pretty disappointing affair that might appeal to their most die-hard fans, but really offers next to nothing to the average Death Metal celebrant.

Personally, there are two elements that need to be executed with particularly well-constructed forethought for this type of music to have any chance of success.  First, and absolutely foremost there must, and I repeat MUST be some seriously god damn groovy riffs afoot, many of them.  As many as possible.  The more the better.  Repeat them ad nauseum for all I care, but for Christ’s sake, you’re playing the one form of Death Metal where you can’t possibly be too groovy, so go all the fuck out.  DEAD fails here, but does manage to deliver a couple of ok grooves like the somewhat shaky main riff in “Liquor Store Goddess” and the slightly more than half-assed “Tits”, the lyrics of which are terrible even when considering the genre.  “A Beer” almost has half of a decent riff, but the track is most important in explaining why DEAD fails the second test in my porngrind viability scrutiny: samples.  This music generally can’t stand on its own lack of merits so its progenitors are known for utilizing a wide array of samples of varying degrees of humor and/or offense.  Here again, DEAD fails somewhat spectacularly.  Tame samples of old movie dialogue and song-length samples of what I assume is a homeless guy espousing on the positive aspects of marijuana and reciting an Eazy-E rap verse are neither offensive or humorous in any way at all.  Too bad too because a crappy porngrind album can almost be saved by great samples sometimes, and DEAD really needed the help this time around as Hardnaked… but DEAD is really just a tired sounding, sloppy and uninteresting and way overlong Death Metal record.  Take a listen to Blood Duster’s fantastic C*NT for a great example of how good this niche of meager merit can be when done well.

TRACK LISTING

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*Comments:

1.  Cock a Hoop
2.  The Fineribber
3.  Liquor Store Goddess
4.  Tits
5.  Wall of Flush
6.  A Beer
7.  Short but Slim
8.  Possessed Soldiers of Luv
9.  Perfumes of Doom
10.  Hardnaked but DEAD

Total playing time:  41:07

Release Date: November 18, 2011
Label: F.D.A. Rekotz

Dead - Hardnaked… But Dead

Reviewer: J. A. Burt

January 16, 2012